5 August 2019

Wedding anniversaryToday would have been my lovely Mum and Dad’s 48th wedding anniversary.

I love this picture of them both – the glasses are fabulous for a start!

Oh I miss my Mum so much some days and I know Dad does too. However, we had many wonderful years with her and we are blessed in so many ways.

Written by Anna Williams in: Dad,Mum |

31 March 2019

Mothering Sunday

Mothering Sunday – a day of such mixed up emotions.

I obviously think a lot about my own Mum. I wonder how different my life would be if she were here. I think I might feel less stressed, better supported and more confident in my parenting. I would love to ask her what I was like as a small child and whether I was as difficult to parent as The Little Miss can be at times. I suspect I was just like her!

I like to think that Mum would be really proud of me; that she would be happy with the way the children are turning out. In fact, I think she would be proud of the way me and my sister have turned out. I fully believe that she considered that we were her greatest achievements and I remain abundantly grateful for all the time and energy and love she invested in us.

Instead of having my Mum for support I have a few wonderful women who are around. I totally believe that I am a better mother for having them in my lives, helping me make decisions and sharing the load of Mothering. I am grateful for my sister – her unending support both emotional and physical makes a huge difference to me. My lovely friend Emma is another person who makes mothering manageable and bearable. I appreciate her support and care for me and children and husband.

I believe that as we need to work hard to care for the mothers in our communities; to nurture, love and support each other. We need to build each other up and share the load of parenting, for when we parent together we are more effective and our children benefit from the extended ‘mothering’ they experience.

So today, I went to church. I cried a little and smiled more. I cooked a lovely roast dinner for my family and my Dad and then we went to the beach with Emma and her children. The kids went body-boarding (in March!!) and Emma and I drank pink fizz.

Thankyou to everyone who helps me be a better Mum. Your support, love and care has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated.

Written by Anna Williams in: Mum | Tags: , ,

30 March 2019

Happiness and sadness

We have had a beautiful day of football, music lessons, exercise classes and finally a few hours in the garden.

The Little Miss and I went to the shop to get some food and then we stopped on the way home to leave some flowers on Mum’s grave. I remember her every day, not just special occasions like Mothering Sunday but this weekend is especially tough.

The Little Miss has the school bear with her today and wanted her picture taken with Grandma. That made me cry but she was so matter of fact it also made me smile.

Written by Anna Williams in: Mum,This is Epic | Tags: ,

Day 268

Memory meal

Five years ago today my Mum died suddenly on a beach on Greece. The day itself is imprinted in my memory – the phone call from Dad, the conversations about what we were going to do. The shock. The horror. The panic. The grief. It felt like it would never end.

Then suddenly you realise that whilst your grief is there – it remains the same size as the day the bereavement happened – life has grown around it. Our lives have moved on and developed and we have lots of good things. There is so much of our lives, particularly with regard to the children that Mum was never present for. That’s painful but at the same time our things go on and we have to make an effort to be fully present every day.

This evening Dad, my sister Louise and I went out for dinner. Twice a year we try and go out just the three of us – Mum’s birthday and, erm, Mum’s death day. I love that this has become our routine.

We had a lovely meal with good cocktails and wine. We talked about Mum, we talked about life and plans and good things. I love Dad and Lou and I love that we can enjoy remembering and we can grieve together.

Despite sadness our lives are good. They are rich and fruitful and I am grateful for all we have.

Written by Anna Williams in: Dad,Mum,sister | Tags: , ,

Day 135

Mum's birthday

Today would have been my Mum’s 68th birthday. Whilst we have both had really busy days and an awful lot going on my sister and I took time for a short walk together.

I miss Mum so much on days like this – the particular days when we remember her and mourn her loss, but the days I find hardest are those when someone innocent catches me unawares. When a particular song or smell, or a memory captures me unexpectedly. Those are the times when I feel her absence the most as I have not prepared for them.

I am grateful that we get to remember her with such happy thoughts, that Louise and I get to spend time together. Our lives are so blessed by all we have.

Written by Anna Williams in: Mum,sister | Tags: , ,

Day 106

Auntie Jenny

Today was my lovely Auntie Jenny’s funeral. It was the most beautiful sunny day and they interment and service were so lovely.

The service was wonderful and it was absolutely packed. When we arrived half an hour before the start it was already standing room only. I was so very proud of my cousins who gave a lovely tribute to their Mum and my Auntie who gave her own memories of her twin sister. I was doing OK until she started ‘Jen and I came as a pair’. At that point I struggled to hold it together.

One of the things I appreciated the most about today was spending time with my family. We get together as often as we can, and whether it is for a happy or sad occasion I am always pleased to see my aunts and uncles and cousins. I picked the kids up at lunchtime from school and took them to the house for cake so that they could feel part of the whole experience. It was especially nice to see them haring about the garden and swinging on the swing seat.

I am constantly grateful for my family and the fact that we are able to share all the good and the bad things together. I appreciate having so many people I can go to for comfort and laughs and I know that together we are able to get through all things.

This photo is of my Mum, Auntie Josie and Auntie Jenny. It was taken in October 2010 when they came to visit us in Yorkshire and was taken on a day out to Howarth. I love it. So many wonderful memories of my Mum and aunts, and I am so happy that my life has been characterised by wonderful, strong, determined, brave, generous, kind and compassionate women. I am blessed.

Written by Anna Williams in: Family,Mum | Tags: , , ,

A year in pictures – Day 268

25 September 2017Wow. Four years since Mum died.

Every single day I miss her. Every day I wonder how she would think I was doing as a mother myself. I think about her when I am talking to my kids, telling them off, cuddling them and especially when they make me laugh. I wish she had been around to see them grow up and I wish so much that she had been around to influence them and love them.

The photo of Mum was taken the day she died. The one of me and my sister was taken a year ago on the same beach. We stood in her footprints.

So often I feel that I walk in her shoes. As a Mum I hear her voice all the time both in my tone of voice but also what I say. Her influence was great, and still is.

Thank you Mum. I love, and miss you but most of all I am grateful for you. x

Written by Anna Williams in: Beach,Mum | Tags:

A year in pictures – Day 135

Mum's birthdayThinking of my Mum today on what would have been her 67th birthday.

I come here though and count my blessings. In the background is another grave of a guy my sister went to school who died on this day in 2014. He was too young. I think of Simon Marquis today too.

Mum I love you and miss you x

Written by Anna Williams in: Mum | Tags:

A year in pictures – Day 107

Mum's bears

Today my wonderful sister is 39 – next year she hits the big 4-0 and life truly begins!

About three months ago my sister commented that she had seen something on Dragon’s Den a company that made memento bear’s out of a loved one’s clothing. She mentioned that she would have liked something made out of Mum’s cardigan or soemthing. I brushed it off but looked up the site she mentioned and thought the memory bears were really ugly!

I found a wonderful lady in Guernsey who made memento keepsakes and commissioned her to make a bear for my sister and a rabbit for me out of one of Mum’s cardigans. Her website is Homemade by Sue. They are wonderful. Beautifully made and perfect in every way.

Louise was so delighted and this has made me happy. Something for us to remember Mum by.

Written by Anna Williams in: Mum | Tags: ,

A year in pictures – Day 95

Big ChiefToday my Dad went to the school where my Mum used to teach to do an assembly.

The school have adopted Mum’s Legacy Project as their charity for the year and they will raise cash over the next few months.

It was lovely to go with my Dad and support him, but I didn’t anticipate him making me wear his Chief’s outfit!

Written by Anna Williams in: Dad,Mum | Tags: ,

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