Mar
30
2007
0

coooeeee

Has been a quiet blogging week for me.

I decided to take Tuesday off ‘sick’. For me to even consider taking a day off for stress-related stuff I must have been feeling particularly shite. It was possibly the best thing I could have done. I did a bit of therapeutic shopping and then I curled up on my bed in the sunshine with my cat and had a sleep. The rest of the week has been much more manageable since then.

The last couple of days have been interesting though. I expect quite a lot of my clients to lie to me. However, yesterday I had a couple who utterly surpassed themselves. They spectacularly lied to me, got caught out and grovelled all within the space of one hour. If the situation hadn’t been so dire it would have been funny.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Mar
26
2007
0

Amazing Grace

Tonight I went to see the film Amazing Grace. It was much better than I had expected and of course it has the utterly divine Ioan Gruffudd in it. I found the film very compelling, and although I am not sure how historically accurate it in, it was very inspiring. Well worth a watch if you have a few hours to spare.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Mar
26
2007
2

How bad things are

I reckon this sums it up!

cartoon from www.weblogcartoons.com

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Mar
25
2007
6

I should have stayed in bed

I went to church today and kind of wish I hadn’t bothered. I probably wasn’t in the right frame of mind but worship was just self-indulgent twaddle and I was quite irritated by the whole thing.

Anyway, there have been some people who have been really understanding about what I have been talking about in my previous logs. There are other people who are coming out with some really bullshitty trite answers like “well it is hard to wait but I am sure you will find someone”, “I am sure God has someone out there for you”, keep praying” etc etc you get the idea. Quite frankly the people who say these things are usually those who got married at 21 after moving straight from their parents house into the marital home. They have never, ever spent any time living on their own, or being single as an adult and they would be better off keeping their mouths closed as they don’t know how it feels to be single at 31.

Anyway. Rant over. I was also very concerned to note that someone found my blog by googling “medical photos of prepubescent girls”. What on earth have I written in my blog that would bring that up?!!!!

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Mar
24
2007
0

Thanks

Thank you for everyone’s kind words… it’s at times like this that I appreciate having somewhere to sound off… even if I do end up sounding like the worlds biggest drama queen.

I feel a bit better today – even though my eyes were puffy and had practically disappeared so they looked like pissholes in the sand. I went and did a pilates class this morning and then spent the afternoon trying to work out how to sell stuff on ebay. I think just having a bit of time to myself with no-one bothering me helped a lot.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Mar
23
2007
10

I look like the Pillsbury dough boy

It is official. I am turning into a miserable old hag.

Right now I am feeling really lonely. My younger sister has been through a really difficult divorce last year and now she has met a really nice guy and I heard vague rumours that he is considering moving to the island to be nearer to her. Rumours they may be but I am feeling kind of weird about it all. I am starting to wonder whether I will ever meet anyone who I want to be with forever and who actually wants to be with me. Is it only me, or does anyone else ever get those days when they wonder what is wrong with them? I mean is it because my arse is too fat, or am I too confident which scares the shit out of men? Am I too self-sufficient or do I give off ‘don’t-come-anywhere-near-me-vibes’? Then I start wondering why my sister gets all the good stuff and I just get left with nothing – again. My biggest worry is that I will have to go to another of her weddings as I found her last one so difficult and right now I am starting to sound like a miserable, jealous old bitch (probably very accurate!) Also I really want to have kids and I am starting to wonder whether I ever will and even thinking about it sets off this huge bereavement in me.

Today has been a bad day. I have puffy eyes from crying and a headache. If I had some Valium i would take it.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Mar
22
2007
1

Quick update

Mum’s investigations didn’t show up anything dramatic so we will have to make it see if there is anything else they need to do. I spent a couple of days in London with Mum and Dad which was really nice and it was especially nice to be able to spend some time with Dad on my own… a rare ocurrence! Mum was well enough to go out in the evening so we went and watched Les Miserables in the West End which was fab!!

Thanks for all your prayers everyone… it makes a difference. My aunt has had her biopsy and she is ok but a bit bruised. Please pray for her and the rest of the family and that the results come out ok.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Mar
20
2007
1

Hope

I am not really sure why I decided to put Rembrandt’s picture on my blog, other than I was feeling a bit low. The picture is one of my favourites as it inspires in me such hope. It is such a luminous picture, and I see such compassion in the face of the Father. I recognise that so often I feel like a combination of both the younger and the elder brother. I lose sight of the things that God has for me and I go off in my own direction, but at times I also sit in judgement of the behaviour of other people. This picture reminds me that at the heart of my life is the Father and that no matter what happens he is still there to welcome me home.

This week is potentially going to be quite difficult and I want to hold the image of this picture in my mind. I want to rest against the Father, letting him bear the weight of my sorrow, fear and confusion and I hope that as I do this I will find real peace and hope.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Mar
20
2007
4

The Return of the Prodigal Son

The Return of the Prodigal Son
Picture by Rembrandt

Excerpt from Henri Nouwen’s
The Return of the Prodigal Son

“Often I have asked friends to give me their first impression of Rembrandt’s Prodigal Son. Inevitably, they point to the wise old man who forgives his son: the benevolent patriarch.

“The longer I look at ‘the patriarch’, the clearer it becomes to me that Rembrandt has done something quite different from letting God pose as the wise old head of a family. It all began with the hands. The two are quite different. The father’s left hand touching the son’s shoulder is strong and muscular. The fingers are spread out and cover a large part of the prodigal son’s shoulder and back. I can see a certain pressure, especially in the thumb. That hand seems not only to touch, but, with its strength, also to hold. Even though there is a gentleness in the way the father’s left hand touches his son, it is not without a firm grip.

“How different is the father’s right hand! This hand does not hold or grasp. It is refined, soft, and very tender. The fingers are close to each other and they have an elegant quality. It lies gently upon the son’s shoulder. It wants to caress, to stroke, and to offer consolation and comfort. It is a mother’s hand….

“As soon as I recognized the difference between the two hands of the father, a new world of meaning opened up for me. The Father is not simply a great patriarch. He is mother as well as father. He touches the son with a masculine hand and a feminine hand. He holds, and she caresses. He confirms and she consoles. He is , indeed, God, in whom both manhood and womanhood, fatherhood and motherhood, are fully present. That gentle and caressing right hand echoes for me the words of the prophet Isaiah: “Can a woman forget her baby at the breast, feel no pity for the chile she has borne? Even if these were to forget, I shall not forget you. Look, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.”

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Mar
18
2007
8

Why does everything happen at once?

One of my aunts has been diagnosed with cancer (hopefully very treatable) my Mum is due for medical investigations this week, my back is giving me real problems today and my little sister is stressed out of her mind with work.

I know that sometimes shit happens. I just wish it would sometimes happen to other people too.

Oh, I also seriously fell off the no-smoking wagon today. Bugger.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |

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