Aug
30
2007
1

Songs of Praise

Someone posted this on the Ship today and it makes me cackle every single time I see it!

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Aug
30
2007
0

Somebody medicate me please!

Back to work today with the good intentions of being nicer to my clients and my colleagues, but no sooner had I walked in then my good mood evaporated. I feel like I go through this rant at least once a quarter… and today is the day.

As a social worker part of my job is to assess my clients to see what their needs are and how best these can be met by services. It used to be that I would have one hour slots with my clients where we could talk through their problems, discuss their options, needs etc. Then it would take me up to an hour to write up the assessment, write to their GP and document everything in their notes.

These days, this is what I have to complete at assessment.

1. 12 page assessment form
2. 2 page risk assessment
3. alert form
4. contact form
5. consent and confidentiality form
6. treatment agreement
7. 6 page National Treatment Agency data form
8. Treatment Outcome Profile form
9. drug screening
10. saliva survey

It is just insane! My assessment now take me at least 1 ½ hours to complete and about the same time again to write up and some weeks I have 4 assessments booked. It isn't that the clients have particularly changed, but I am being swallowed up by paperwork and statistics. The clients are being offered a raw deal because the government is obsessed with collecting stats which mean nothing out of the context of the work.

I always find going to Greenbelt through provoking and it makes me want to do well at my job, to make a difference and encourage and support people to change. So, the question I guess are

How do I make a difference when I have so little time to spend with the clients?
How do I simplify what I do?
How do I prioritise when I have a million and one things to do each day?
How do I stop myself losing the plot entirely?

In my experience it is the therapeutic intervention, the one-to-one sessions, that make the difference on whether someone will pursue change or not and I am becoming increasingly frustrated and feel that my ability to do my job well is being compromised. The problem is that my clients still need me to be there and they still expect me to deliver a service. I am just not sure that I can do that anymore.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Aug
29
2007
1

A few thoughts…

OK, so I have unpacked, put stuff away, bathed (sheer bliss!) and eaten. I am pretty knackered and will head to bed soon, but just a couple of thoughts about Greenbelt. (I have to admit that when I re-read what I had written this whole blog entry seems quite contradictory but never mind!)

In my opinion the music this year wasn’t the best I have seen but I did go to see Delirious last night. I was with my friend Gareth and we pushed our way to three rows from the front, and we were surrounded by screaming 14 year olds. I felt very old, but Delirious were absolutely awesome! They are one of the most professional Christian bands I have ever seen perform and they had fab graphics to go with their songs. I have been watching Delirious perform since they were the Cutting Edge band which must be at least 10 years ago and they have just got better and better over that time. They sang ”Majesty” which is one of my favourite songs. It was amazing and the lyrics make me cry every time I listen to them but there was something very powerful about being in such a large group of people who were all singing this song.

I also went to see Matt Redman play on the mainstage. I used to love his music but there are loads of songs which trigger some really deep emotions for me and haul me back to remembering how low I was feeling at particular times. His song Blessed Be Your Name is one that I sing with gritted teeth and tears streaming down my face, but I love the contrast in the lyrics. I didn’t stay for all of Matt Redman’s set. It was just too hard for me to be there, and I sometimes feel that the “souped up” emotion of a Matt Redman gig can detract from the whole experience.

These days I feel that I have moved on loads from loving worship which is emotionally charged to wanting something that is deeper and more meaningful. Leaving church nearly two years ago was one of the hardest things I ever did, mainly because of my involvement with the worship, and in some ways it was a sacrifice, but I knew it was the right thing to do. My relationship with God has changed because of my struggles with the church. I have had to sit back and hold onto God without having the trappings of the church to bail me out. Sometimes I succeed, but at other times I feel like I am drowning. A few years ago a friend gave me a little book by Henri Nouwen called The Inner Voice of Love: A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom. This book has kept me going when things have been really tough, and I was reminded of one of the reflections which I am going to leave you with now.

Keep Trusting God’s Call

As you come to realise that God is beckoning you to a greater hiddenness, do not be afraid of that invitation. Over the years you have allowed the voices that call you to action and great visibility to dominate your life. You still think, even against your own best intuitions, that you need to do things and be seen in order to follow your vocation. But you are now discovering that God’s voice is saying “Stay home, and trust that your life will be fruitful even when hidden.”

It is not going to be easy to listen to God’s call. Your insecurity, self-doubt, and your need for affirmation makes you lose trust in your inner voice and run away from yourself,. But you know that God speaks to you through your inner voice and that you will find joy and peace only of you follow it. Yes, your spirit is willing to follow, but your flesh is weak.

You have friends who know that your inner voice speaks the truth and who can affirm what it says. They offer you the safe space where you can let that voice become clearer and louder. There will be people who will tell you that you are wasting your time and talents, that you are fleeing from true responsibility, that you fail to use the influence you have. But don’t let yourself be misled. They do not speak in God’s name. Trust the few who know your inner journey and want you to be faithful to it. They will help you stay faithful to God’s call.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Aug
28
2007
2

Pictures

Well I finally got home at about 4ish after packing up the tent and all the crap we accumulated during our stay. Our trip home was uneventful, other than a little stop for McDonalds (bleurgh!) as we were all starving and Ojalae was doing his dying swan act in the back of the car.

So, here are a few photos for your delectation… I think I have a few more things to say about Greenbelt but I will come back to it when I have processed things a bit.

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And, my two favourite photos of the weekend 🙂

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Me & Peterson – honestly we were both sober!

81
Me, Ojalae and Jonathan – I love my boys!!!

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Aug
27
2007
4

Greenbelt

I am having the most fabulous time here at Greenbelt. I have been to a few talks and gigs, chilled out with friends, drunk lots of coffee, wine and organic beer and eaten too much junk food. I feel like I have had a bit of ‘head space’ really… not because it has been quiet… far from it, but because I don’t have to think about work, cooking food, what to do, where to be, what to wear etc etc. There is something very liberating about being in a place where you don’t bat an eyelid at standing in the queue for the (rather grim) portaloos to see someone in their pyjamas next to someone who is dressed as a goth and someone else wearing a tutu and fairy wings. It all seems quite normal somehow.

So, who have I seen? I have heard John Bell speak on ‘God among her girls’. I thought he was excellent. I mean, how often do you actually hear a male preacher speak about strong women characters in the Bible? For me he was extremely thought provoking, especially in the context of the conversation I had with my Dad on holiday about the fact that he thinks I am too opinionated and outspoken to get a bloke!

I went to see the Love and Joy Gospel Choir last night – that was a very happy gig – especially as there were lots of pretty blokes on the stage. I also went to see Matt Redman. I am kind of in two minds about whether I enjoyed it or not. Matt Redman’s music brings back lots of memories for me, and not all of them are positive. Having said that though he is very good at what he does. Tonight I will go and see Delirious, and I will be interested to see whether they have a similar reaction in me.

My real highlights of last night involve the organic beer tent. I started off with the now legendary Beer and Hymns. You have never heard Shine Jesus Shine sung with such gusto and feeling. And of course we had Swing Low Sweet Chariot, complete with actions. It was such fun, but my voice is decidedly husky this morning. After I had wandered around the site a bit pissed I made my way back to the beer tent where I caught up with Peterson Toscano. At this point I should also say that the beer tent appears to have been transformed into a gay bar – I have seldom heard such camp music outside of Old Compton Street. I would like to bring you the full version of his encounter with the fit 18 years olds, but I am not sure he would appreciate me airing his dirty laundry on my blog (he has ‘shared on his own blog so that’s fine!) Suffice to say, I am very proud of him for resisting tempation 😉 It was great to catch up with him, and he seems well on his way to being a Greenbelt favourite which he deserves. I feel I have an important role in his life to keep him grounded!!!!! 😉

Anyway, enough for now… the sunshine and breakfast awaits. Love to you all, dear readers. xxxx

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Aug
24
2007
0

ooooooooooo

I am very excited. Off to Greenbelt this morning, but I am very, very tired. Hope we have a safe trip there. See some of you in a field somewhere!!!

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Aug
22
2007
3

The hope of things to come

I am off to Greenbelt on Friday and I CANNOT WAIT!! This year I am taking two of my friends, Ojalae and Jonathan with me. Neither have been to Greenbelt before, and Ojalae has never been camping. He was pretty horrified when I mentioned that there aren’t really many showers.

Ojalae is quite anxious about going, but I am sure he will have an amazing time. He asked me what it is like, and I was trying to put into words how I feel about going to the festival. When I went two years ago my faith was really damaged, I had left a charismatic church a few months before and I was still trying to work through whether I believed in anything at all. The only thing I had to compare it to was big Christian conferences like Stoneleigh. Looking back I feel that at those events I was carried along on a huge tidal wave of emotion. It was all very souped up and exaggerated, and l wonder now how much of it was actually genuine. Greenbelt was entirely different. I felt as though God had dumped me in the middle of a field and said “Look at all this… go and have a look around… have a look at all the different faces of faith… this is what it is really about”. It was a strangely liberating weekend, and whilst my faith still feels tattered, torn, stained and damaged, I really believe there is something to hold onto. So, my last words to Ojalae were “Greenbelt makes me feel genuine”.

So, to all who are going… I hope to see you there 🙂

Ps) The car is sorted… all I can say is Norton Way Honda in Letchworth were brilliant. I have never been to a garage that was so helpful and I want to give them a plug! I even wrote them a thank you letter when I got back to the office.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Aug
21
2007
2

Dear, dear

With reference to my previous post… how is it possible that a new wing mirror costs £312? (before you say anything, yes it does have electrics etc in it but I still think that is bloody expensive!)

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Aug
21
2007
0

Not impressed

I got back to my car this morning after going for a swim to find that some tosser has ripped the wing-mirror off my car and it is dangling by the electrical cables like a spare part. It must have taken some force to rip it off and I am not a happy bunny!

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Aug
17
2007
2

On the mend

Thank goodness I am feeling a bit better today. My temperature was really high and I slept loads yesterday, but had a strange experience in the middle of the night when I was woken up by my teeth chattering. When I was awake I could control it, but as soon as I started to relax it started again. Very odd feeling.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |

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