At the weekend The Mister and I took a little trip to London. There were several reasons for this. It is The Mister’s 30th birthday next weekend and he wanted to see a Ray Harryhausen exhibition at The London Film Museum and it was also the Gambit Shipmeet.

We decided to stay in a nice hotel in Victoria which meant we could walk everywhere rather than getting public transport. On Saturday we walked from the hotel to the Houses of Parliament, over to the London Eye, along the Southbank to the Tate Modern where we went to see the Sunflower Seeds by Ai Weiwei over the Millenium Bridge to St Paul’s Cathedral and then back to the hotel. We walked for several hours but it was just so nice to be out and about and taking a bit of time to explore.

In the evening we went to a pub and met with 20 or so people from the Ship of Fools for the Gambit Memorial Meet. Gambit was a Shipmate who used to organise regular meets in London and he died a few years ago from a heart problem. He was too young, only in his twenties, and this meet helps us to remember him, and others from the Ship who are no longer with us.

It was a brilliant, but exhausting weekend. It was good to see old, and new friends, and it was good to get a bit of time, just me and The Mister. It didn’t do my diet much good though!

We also had a new toy to play with – a new camera, so here are a selection of photos. Just to say, the bottom photo is a picture of the traditional pint and cigarette left out for Gambit, the photo and the funeral leaflet is for Erin. Both much loved and much missed Shipmates.




Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized | Tags: ,

Other people and my story

To all those people who think I am being a selfish bitch for being upset about other people’s pregnancies and babies, this message is for you.

For the last 15 years my life has not been what I thought it would be. I thought I would get married in my early twenties and have a couple of children by the time I was 25. It might not have been conventional to normal society, but in the Newfrontiers churches it was pretty typical and normal. People married young, in my opinion, because they wanted to start having sex and in that environment it is the ‘right way’ to do this. It is also the culture of the church, being very family focused etc.

Instead of getting married, I went through the majority of my twenties surrounded by a large bunch of friends, the majority of whom were gay. They shared my life and I shared theirs. We laughed together, drank together, ate meals together, went on holiday, went shopping, had parties, and went through good times and sad times together. They were like my family. I adored it and I adored them and my life without that experience would be very much poorer indeed.

When I hit my thirties the reality that other people have not only been married and had children, but now their children are at school became very obvious. It is quite painful to watch from the sidelines to see other people getting the things you most want, whether that is right, or wrong isn’t up for debate at this point, but it is the truth.

I was fortunate. I am extremely fortunate. At 33 I met the most wonderful man in the world. He is supportive, loving, generous and kind and I cannot overestimate how loved he makes me feel. He loves me for being me, warts and all. He makes me feel beautiful – and that is priceless.

So, what I am trying to say is, when I am upset and make statements about other people getting pregnant or having babies, this isn’t about me being a bitch. This is about me trying to reframe the whole of my expectations about what I thought my life would look like. I thought I would have children starting secondary school by now. Instead, I am struggling to conceive.

Life isn’t bad; it is just different to what I thought it would look like. I love my husband and I am incredibly grateful for what I have, but it doesn’t stop me feeling envious when I see other people living what I thought my dreams should be. Please don’t make me feel guilty for feeling these things. I am quite capable at doing that on my own.

I said to someone who doesn’t really know what to say to me when I am ranting about these things, “If, God forbid, I had a miscarriage what would you do?”, and her response was, “I would come to you and hug you”. My response to that is, please do that anyway. Whilst I am not grieving for something tangible, I am, to a certain extent, grieving for my dream; for the life I thought I would have.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

Still here

Hello people, I am still here but I have been really busy and I am properly knackered. Back at work now and things are really manic as ever. Lots of changes are happening there which means loads of stress and unnecessary anxiety which makes things a bit more difficult.

I have joined Slimming World and lost 5lbs on my first week which I was pretty pleased about. There is loads that you can eat on this diet which makes things somewhat easier! Last Sunday The Mister and I went for a gym induction and I have been a couple of times since then. This morning I had an appointment there to get my programme sorted. I am concentrating on cardio to help with weight loss. However, I feel absolutely shattered now and really, really stiff. Hope I can keep it up.

Hopefully I will be the incredible shrinking woman soon!

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

Erin and the Ship of Fools

Anyone who has been reading this blog for a while will know that I have been active on the discussion boards at the Ship of Fools website for many years. This week has been a sad week as Erin, the Community Editor died unexpectedly on 30 December 2010. Once again the value of an online community has been brought back to me in a vivid and real way.

The Ship has been a huge part of my life since about 2005. It has provided me with a breadth of information about subjects that I have never really had to think about. More than that though, it has given me such a diversity of viewpoints from people of all different Christian denominations, traditions and experiences. I have contact with people from all over the world, many of whom I will never ever meet. However, I have also been on many Shipmeets and met online folk who I would now class my ‘real life’ friends. Indeed six Shimates came to our wedding last April.

There are many people who say that true friendships and community can never truly be developed over a computer, and yet I would beg to differ. The outpouring of grief and shock is tangible and very, very real. Equally the support and love of the forum members is so real that you can almost feel the emotion as you read the messages of remembrance, support and love. The Ship is an amazing place with an awesome community. People often have disagreements and arguments, but these generally get resolved and/or tolerated.

Erin played a huge part in ensuring the smooth sailing of this Ship. She would cut to the chase in a few sentences and put people in their place if they were being arseholes. Comments written by Erin were always worth reading she regularly left me chuckling at something she had said.

The Ship is undoubtedly a much poorer place without her, but I am sure it will endure, and that is the most fitting tribute to her that I can think of.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized | Tags: ,

In 2011 I will try to….

I don’t really do New Year’s Resolutions because I always fail, so instead I would like to try and do all, or some of the following things…

1. Lose weight. Specifically I would like to lose 2 stone by my cousin’s wedding at the beginning of June. That would be just over 1 lb a week which I think is do-able. Think I am going to try Slimming World to see if that helps.

2. Increase my exercise. I would like to go back to the gym. The Mister and I already have a leisure centre pass, but I use it mainly, and even then I only do a yoga class, swimming and an aquafit class. We have agreed to book a gym induction and try and go at least twice a week. This should fit in with out live a bit better then planning to do lots of classes as we can go when we have a spare hour or two.

3. Drink 2 litres of water per day. I used to do this much more and my skin improved and I was less hungry.

4. Keep alcohol for weekends only. Nuff said… I like wine, it helps me relax after a busy day at work. Too much is bad for me… therefore I have to reduce it.

5. See some shows. Mainly I would like to make use that we have access to some fantastic theatres etc. I would like to see a ballet and go to an opera. Be a bit more kulchural… you know?

6. Sleep more. I need to be in bed by 10.30pm at the latest. Getting up at 5.30am is a nightmare otherwise and I become a grumpy nightmare.

7. Not obsess so much about getting pregnant. For anyone who knows me this is going to be the hardest and I will probably fail by tomorrow. However, I promise to try!

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |

The 2010 review

Well, a few days late, here is my review of the year.

4801-1022010 started well with a move up to Yorkshire to start a life with my lovely Mister. We got married in 3 April in a gorgeous little church in Guernsey, and it was truly the happiest day of my life. It was a perfect day (with the exception of the pouring rain) and I wouldn’t have changed anything! The chance to celebrate this event with family and friends was amazing and I was very grateful for everyone who came and shared the day with us. We followed the wedding with a fabulous week in St Ives. The weather was perfect and Cornwall was a delight. Fabulous. The Mister has been learning to live with me ever since. He is both a brave man, as well as an amazing man, and I know I am extremely lucky!!

I started working in June. A job which is both amazing and hard. The staff team are fantastic, but like any other job I am finding the paperwork and the politics annoying and nightmarish.

P1040654.JPGThe summer saw an extremely wet but fun camping trip to Wales with Tom and Anne and their boys, two of which are our godsons. It was blissful to spend a bit of time relaxing, eating, drinking and laughing with good friends. This was followed by a trip to Greenbelt where we managed to catch up with a whole bunch of friends. It was a great holiday, just wish it could have been a bit sunnier! Highlights of Greenbelt were seeing Jars of Clay and listening to an interview with the two writers of Rev. Roll on the next GB!!!

P1050790.JPGMy nephew Barnabas continues to be gorgeous, as well as hilarious. My sister is expecting again and is due to drop at the beginning of March. As ever, this has brought extremely mixed reactions for me. I am pleased for her, but I had really hoped that I would manage to get pregnant before her this time. I continue to hope that we will be able to achieve this in 2011 although I am still concerned that my age will be a negative factor for me.

So over all, 2010 has been a vintage year, probably the best I have had in a long time. Who knows what 2011 holds for us, although I expect another move (a big one possibly!), maybe in the summer. This will depend on jobs and stuff like that so we will just have to wait and see what happens.

Thank you to everyone who had read this blog, and I hope you will keep on this journey with me. I hope 2011 is as good, if not better than 2010 and we all get our deepest wishes fulfilled.


Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized | Tags: , , ,

Design: TheBuckmaker.com WordPress Themes