Sep
30
2007
0

Retreat

I have had an absolutely fabulous weekend. I went to the Courage retreat at Charney Manor. It is just the most peaceful and beautiful venue and the food was divine. I haven’t eaten so much in ages so I think it is back to swimming!

The retreat was led by the Rev. Michael Rutland and the focus of the retreat was David and his various (often dysfunctional) relationships. The talks and groups were good and people shared so honestly about their own experiences that it was quite humbling to be among them. The one thing that really blows me away about Courage is the worship. The group was mainly men and the singing was amazing. Lots of harmonies and people really worshipping God but it is such honest, vulnerable and transparent worship. So many of the people who attended the retreat are in difficult places, personally and with regards to church, and yet somehow coming together in worship it became a shared experience. If worship in heaven is going to be like that I will be very happy!!!

On Saturday evening they had a cabaret… some of the acts were very, very good and absolutely hilarious. Two of the guys did a Cissie & Ada sketch. I have attached a photo but I didn’t want to choose the ones where they guys are easily identifiable. I am trying to protect the innocent you see!

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Anyway, it was an amazing weekend. I haven’t laughed so much in a long time. I had to leave the pub on Friday evening as I hit that point when I literally couldn’t stop laughing – even though nothing was funny anymore! I love the people who went to the retreat. They make the faith journey so worthwhile and it is amazing to have such a variety of travelling companions these days!

Here are a few more pics 🙂

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Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Sep
27
2007
0

Off on retreat!

I have had a totally manic week and tomorrow I am off on the Courage retreat. I can’t wait! It will be fab to spend some time with the people who are going as well as chilling out and relaxing in beautiful surroundings. I am sure there will be plenty of stories when I get back. Until then, be good everyone!!

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Sep
26
2007
2

The journey

Every now and then I get asked by people (most recently my sister) how I reconcile my faith with my liberal understanding of sexuality. In some cases I have gay friends who are also Christians, and then the issue becomes even more complicated. I have had very good friends who are gay for the last 12 years and I hope that I have walked their journey’s alongside them. I fully acknowledge that when I was 19 and first knew a gay Christian my reactions were not thought out. I was scared, confused and ignorant of what was happening to my friends and the difficulties they faced; both the internal conflict between their sexuality and faith, but also external conflict with other Christians and The Church. When I see the way that The Church treats gay people I want to be sick. I am tired of hearing of another horror story, of people who are already in pain and distress being annexed from a community that could potentially offer them love and support. I know that I have changed a lot. I am more tolerant, compassionate and liberal. Some may see that as a bad thing, but for me it has meant that my life has become more fulfilling and satisfying.

I guess that what changed for me is that these days I am happy to live with the ‘I don’t knows’ in my life. But, if I believe in a God who creates people for a reason with a purpose then who am I to judge how they have been created and who they are? I continue to wrestle with my faith and beliefs and sometimes I think I am no closer to the answers, but maybe they aren’t so important to me anymore. Surely it is the journey and the story that is the vital part. All I know is that my traveling companions on my journey are a motley bunch of people of different backgrounds, races, sexualities and experiences. I love the journey with them… it is kind of exciting and you never quite know what might happen!

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Sep
22
2007
1

It’s official

My parents are having a late mid-life crisis. When I phoned my Mum just now she was giggling like a school girl as she and Dad were test-driving a 2 seater soft-top car. She currently had a sensible ‘grown-up’ car and has now decided it is time to look for something more suitable. Honestly!

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Sep
21
2007
1

I hate to mention it…

… but I have now started making Christmas cards. It all feels so wrong.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Sep
18
2007
7

The Absent Father

WARNING – SELF-INDULGENT POST COMING UP!

I have just had a really interesting conversation with my Mum. I have been feeling quite low over the last couple of days, and it led onto a conversation that I never thought I would have with my Mum about how I feel about church etc. She is really encouraging me to ‘trust in God’ and ‘have faith’ that he will provide me with all the things I need yadda yadda yadda. Now, whilst I can see her point of view and understand that she is holding onto those things in her own life, I find it incredibly hard to believe in it myself.

She asked why I am pulling back from the church I have been going to for about a year and why I feel the need to go and try other things. I told her that I don’t feel part of the church. Most of them are so family or student focused that if you sit outside of these groups then it can be very difficult to feel part of something. I just don’t think she understands how isolating church can be for single people and how strong the family agenda is – that’s OK for her. She is part of the family scene so she fits in. Church to me currently seems fake and unreal and I tend to leave the service wanting to punch someone.

The conversation moved onto me explaining to her that I feel a bit like God is an absent father. In fact I feel like he is a father who has left the family, gone and got himself a new wife, had children and is giving good things and his time to his new family. I feel like I used to have a good relationship with Him but now I feel as though I only ever correspond with Him by letter, but he never replies. It’s not that I don’t want to have a relationship with God – I just feel like it is a one-way process. I feel like second best, something that Mum is (obviously) struggling hard to understand. She keeps reassuring me that they love me very much (and then I feel guilty for being honest about my feelings!) and that they do not see me as second best in any way at all.

It’s hard. I don’t want to upset my Mum because I love her very much, but me being honest about how I feel always seems to upset her a lot. Maybe I should just stop talking about how I feel and just plaster on the masked smile and pretend everything is OK. Somehow I am not sure I can do that anymore. It seems fake – which ironically is the one thing that I hate most about the church.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Sep
16
2007
1

Atonement

Today I went to a Quaker meeting which I really enjoyed, and found it easier than last week and then i decided to head off to the cinema to see Atonement. It is an absolutely beautiful film. Beautifully shot, directed and acted. It is quite a slow film so if you are looking for loads of action then it might not be for you, but I really enjoyed it. The story is clever, but not distractingly so and I really recommend it. Make sure you take some tissues with you though as it is a bit of a weepy.

The majority of the film is set during World War 2, and some of it is shot in a hospital. It made me really think of my Gran Nora who was a theatre nurse in Guernsey during the start of the war. She was meant to leave the island when the harbour was bombed by the Germans on 28 June 1940. Apparently Grandma was due to leave on the boat later that day as her step-mother and younger sister had been killed by a stray bomb. She had finished her shift at the hospital and gone back to Cobo to say goodbye to everyone, but she heard the news of the bombing and went straight back to the hospital for another long stint in theatre. I asked her what she saw when she arrived back at the hospital and she told me that the thing that made her decide to stay on the island was that she saw a young man lying on a trolley in the atrium of the Castel Hospital and his foot was hanging off. At that point she realised that she could not help her step-mother and sister, but she could stay and make a difference in Guernsey. I think the civilian doctors and nurses were the unsung heroes of the war, and the impact that they made on men and women who were in pain and dying cannot be underestimated. For me, as an islander, I will always live with the images of the occupation of Guernsey as they are fully visible on my island home and I sometimes wonder what life would have been like had the islands not been liberated.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Sep
15
2007
2

Cream teas!!!

I have had a lovely day today. The weather has been absolutely gorgeous and I had arranged to go out with the boys and Auntie Billie for a cream tea at Mill Green Museum. The cakes and tea were delicious, and beautifully served on a fab tiered cake stand – it is pretty much the gayest tea shop in Hertfordshire!

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So after we had eaten far too many deliciously bad things we went for a wander around the museum, which had dressing up hats and stuff! So, we spent about 15 minutes taking photos of each other looking like complete muppets. I am sure the old ladies there thought we were absolutely barmy.

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After we had done the museum we decided we hadn’t had enough kulchure for the day so we trundled off to the Roman Baths at Welwyn. It was discovered in the early Sixties when they started building the A1(M). It’s a really small museum but they even had dressing up clothes there!!! So, we dressed up as Romans for a bit and took some photos… of course! (If you want to see all the photos, then click on one of the pics to go to flickr!)

So, then I walked home via the war graveyard which is beautiful (if a graveyard can be beautiful!) and then I stopped on the way home to sit in a field and read my book and take some arty-farty shots.

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So, all in all I have had a fab day. I was feeling kind of lonely last night so it was great to spend some time with Auntie Billie and the boys. I was feeling much better by the time we had finished our outing. They are like my alternative family 🙂

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Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Sep
15
2007
1

Am I a contradiction?

According to my “Define me” application on Facebook (it lets your friends anonymously describe you) I am a

busty cheeky faithful pure saucy spiritual tea bag

An interesting analysis of my character!

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Sep
14
2007
0

Hope

Today I have been reading my Community Care magazine which is a publication for social care staff. This week they have been interviewing children who are in foster care about their experiences of social workers and their opinions on what they do, or don't do, as the case may be. One young man had this to say which really stopped me in my tracks…

”We looked after children all need an angel; a social worker who would recognise our struggle and help us live through the storm. Out faith is in this angel's shadow, this little bit of hope, this dream social worker. Our prayers are always near; wishing destiny will lead our paths to cross with this angel.”

I have been called many things in my working career, but I am not sure I have ever been called an angel! It's too easy in social care to get caught up with paperwork, budgets and politics, and to forget the individuals; the clients with hopeful and sad faces, those ravaged by homelessness, mental illness, poverty, addiction and despair and the children affected by their parents' failings. In the middle of it all I catch a flash of hope. Hope that makes me believe that I can make a difference to my clients.

Hope is a powerful thing for social care staff.

I need that hope as much as the clients themselves.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |

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