July books

The Luminous Life of Lilly Aphrodite by Beatrice Colin has got really good reviews on Amazon but I actually found it quite a frustrating read. Set before the First World War he book starts with Lilly’s birth and follows her through domestic service to finally becoming an actress. The problem was that it felt like lots of stories which could have been really good if developed singly, but instead it felt crammed and confusing. Other people have really rated this book. I thought it was OK.

The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon has had really rave reviews. I found it took a long, long time to get going and I probably only enjoyed the final third of the book.

I am sure I have read more than 2 books this month, however, it is entirely possible that I didn’t as these two took me ages to read, and every time I got on a bus I went to sleep!

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Here but not here

Well, as the title suggests I am kind of here but not here.

Things are pretty manic at the moment. I am getting home from work, eating and then doing more packing. This Friday is my work leaving do and then the whole weekend is going to be spent manically packing as a week on Monday the lorry arrives to take all our stuff to Guernsey.

I am really looking forward to going, in many ways my head is already out of the door at work and saying all the goodbyes is a mere technicality. From here we go to Guernsey for a few days to celebrate my parents’ ruby wedding and then we come back to the UK to spend the rest of August camping before ending up with Greenbelt. If course the problem then is that we are packing stuff to go into storage, stuff to go to my parents’ house and stuff for camping. It is time-consuming and more than a little bit tedious.

I think I am more stressed than I realise. I am sleep-talking a lot – something I only really do when I am very tired and pretty stressed! Fortunately the end is in sight. Just!

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The joys and trials of trying to get up the duff

Trying to conceive is officially the most disappointing and the saddest thing I have ever done. What should be joyful is bloody hard work at time.

I never expected things to be straightforward but I always hoped. Somehow having to know my cycle intimately, knowing when I am ovulating, checking cervical mucus, taking my temperature every morning, using ovulation tests seems to take all the fun out of trying to get pregnant.

Every month I hope and hope that this has been the month that everything has worked.

Every month I am disappointed.

Every month is like a bereavement. Grieving for the things I have hoped for. Grieving for the things that I don’t have, and don’t know if I will ever obtain.

One day I hope it will work. If it doesn’t I don’t know what I am going to do. If I can’t be a mother I am not sure what my life will look like.

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