Ten years on…

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Ten years ago Mum died and in so many ways it feels like yesterday, but it is literally a whole lifetime for my children.

I am so proud of the way that we have coped over the years. It has been far from easy but I think that we have shown that by being honest and consistent and by being as generous and kind with each other we have survived and then eventually we thrived.

I miss Mum so often. It’s the small things which catch me unawares that hurt the most; the smell of baking Guernsey biscuits, a song that she loved, and rather bizarrely the sound of my laugh. Coping with the big things is easier – we gear ourselves up for them and steel ourselves to face the usual anniversaries and celebrations.

We practice gratitude often and we would do this alone and together Often Louise and I would talk about the things which were good, which gave our lives meaning and hope. It wasn’t an easy thing to do because at times it mean lifting our eyes from our sadness and looking forward. Something which our faith definitely helps with, but it isn’t the only thing.

I wonder what she would have to say about us all. I know she would be proud of us and the way we have coped and I know she would have adored all her lovely grandchildren. My big regret is that she never really got to know them. Eliza talks as if she knows her…. but she was born after she died. I guess it is credit to the fact that we talk about her so often that she thinks she is still here.

I am really proud of my Dad too, He has coped admirably and manages the things that we never thought he would. He has changed so much and mine and my sister’s relationship with him is so different. When Mum was alive we used to go through her if we needed something from Dad… these days we have a lovely relationship and I certainly wouldn’t wish to go back to how it used to be.

I think the thing I have realised over the years is that resilience is something you have to work at. You become resilient by grounding and connecting yourself with the people who matter. You live through shared experiences and talk all the time about the things that matter. We talk about Mum often and I think that in the past she was the glue that held us together but now we are the glue that holds us together.

Happy heavenly birthday Mum.
We miss you so much..
We love you.

Proms on the Pier

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized | Tags:

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