Apr
30
2008
0

RC Part 29 – Quit Smoking Today by Paul McKenna

Well, if I am being honest I should also report that yesterday I read this book and I listened to the CD.

All I can say is… so far so good!

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Apr
28
2008
3

Gorgeous bouquet!!!!!

My friend Anya got married in Australia a few weeks ago. She is rather unique and had an amazing wedding dress with rainbow net and a rainbow veil. She looked fabulous. I asked her if I could share a picture of her bouquet as I think it is just amazing. It is made out of multi-coloured ribbons and I think it is just gorgeous!!!!

Anya's bouquet

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Apr
27
2008
4

Newfrontiers

About three years ago I made the decision to leave the church I had been part of for a long time. It was a Newfrontiers church and I had been part of the organisation for about 10 years or so, attending various different churches.

My decision to leave was a tough one, and yet a good decision in the end. There were lots of reasons for leaving, among them were spiritual abuse, the lack of pastoral care and the obsession with building “large resource churches”. However, one of the main reasons I ended up leaving is because I am a woman. Being a single woman in a Newfrontiers church is almost impossible, and as the singleness thing didn’t look like it was going to change in the near future I had no real choice. Whilst the leadership of Newfrontiers may insist that they are pro-women and will support women in various leadership roles (with the exception of eldership and apostolic roles) I can tell you that my experiences would suggest that this is not true. Auntie Billie and I used to work as youth leaders for the church and when the new leader arrived it was clear that he didn’t want us to continue with that, so we were gradually edged out until we were forced to stand down. If you are a married woman it is somewhat different as you are deemed to be under the authority and headship of your husband.

So, as a single, outspoken and opinionated woman my choices were limited. Do I stay in a church which does not believe that I have a right to speak and vocalise what I am thinking and feeling? Or, do I leave? The choices were severely limited and neither looked terribly positive at the time. It seems to me that any church which does not give people the right to question or debate is a dangerous place to be. The fact that I became increasingly aware that I could not take my gay friends to church with me for fear that they would be subjected to homophobic abuse was appalling. In fact one of the earlier Newfrontiers churches I had been in had forced two of my gay friends to leave, and in recent months the same church has done exactly the same thing.

I don’t think I am a hardcore feminist, and on many things my ideas are not too way out. However, I do believe that I have a right to speak. I do not think that I need a man to vet my ideas or process my thoughts for me. I have no desire to belong to a church which is so exclusive that everyone begins to look and sound the same. In my mind the glorious church is made up of people from all nationalities, races, sexualities, genders and ages. The reality is that I am unlikely to find this on earth, but I will keep hold of my vision as it is the only thing that truly sustains my belief that any sort of church is worth going to.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Apr
27
2008
5

Life of the Beloved

113

One of my favourite authors, Henri Nouwen wrote a fabulous little book called Life of the Beloved: Spiritual Living in a Secular World. It has been on my mind a lot lately and I wanted to share a bit that moves me every time I read it… sorry it is a little bit long!

Not long ago, in my own community I had a very personal experience of the power of a real blessing. Shortly before I started a prayer service on one of our houses, Janet, a handicapped member of our community, said to me “Henri, can you give me a blessing?” I responded in a somewhat automatic way by tracing with my thumb the sign of the cross on her forehead. Instead of being grateful, however she protested vehemently, “No that doesn’t work. I want a real blessing!”’ I suddenly became aware of the ritualistic quality of my response to her request and said, “Oh I am sorry… let me give you a real blessing when we are all together for the prayer service.” She nodded with a smile, and I realised that something special was required of me. After the service, when about thirty people were sitting in a circle on the floor, I said, “Janet has asked me for a special blessing. She feels that she needs that now.” As I was saying this, I didn’t know what Janet really wanted. But Janet didn’t leave me in doubt for very long. As soon as I had said, “Janet has asked me for a special blessing,” she stood up and walked toward me. I was wearing a long white robe with ample sleeves covering my hands as well as my arms. Spontaneously, Janet put her arms around me and put her head against my chest. Without thinking, I covered her with my sleeves so that she almost vanished in the folds of my robe. As we held each other I said, “Janet, I want you to know that you are God’s Beloved Daughter. You are precious in God’s eyes. Your beautiful smile, your kindness to the people in your house and all the good things you do show us what a beautiful human being you are. I know you feel a little low these days and that there is some sadness in your heart, but I want you to remember who you are: a very special person, deeply loved by God and all the people who are here with you.”

… After I had spoken words of blessing to her many more of the handicapped people following, expressing the same desire to be blessed. The most touching moment however came when one of the assistants, a twenty-four-year-old student, raised his hand and said “And what about me?” “Sure,” I said. “Come.” He came, and, as we stood before each other I put my arms around him and said, “John, it is so good that you are here. You are God’s Beloved Son. Your presence is a joy for all of us. When things are hard and life is burdensome, always remember that you are loved with an everlasting love.” As I spoke these works, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and then he said, “Thank you, thank you very much”

I have had a really tough few weeks, mainly with work stuff going on that has seriously been destroying my peace. I picked this book off my bookshelf a couple of weeks ago, for a bit of a flick-read as I couldn’t concentrate too well on anything else. Anyway, I came across this passage again and as I read it I began to weep.

It seemed to reflect my deepest needs. Not only the need to be held and comforted, although that was part of it, but the need for a deep affirmation of who I am and what I do. That reminder that no matter what I am feeling and what is going on I am still called “Beloved Daughter” by the Most High. That the God who flung the stars into space still wants me to rest my head against his chest so that he can enfold his arms around me and whisper in my ear “You are my Beloved”.

When the going has been tough this week I have forced myself to be still and quiet (something that I find very, very difficult!) and to haul the image of Janet enveloped in the arms of Henri Nouwen as a metaphor of the way God reaches to me in my moments of deepest despair. In a world that threatens to swallow me up at times, the understanding of being the Beloved is what is keeping my head above the water.

This is truly the Life of the Beloved.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Apr
26
2008
0

Glorious

It is a beautiful day, glorious as my Mum would say. I always feel so much better when the sun is shining. It lifts my mood and generally improves my emotional wellbeing.

The downside is that I can see how grubby the windows are, and I am bizarrely looking forward to be able to spring clean my house in a week’s time.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Apr
25
2008
0

RC Part 28 – One More Day by Mitch Albom

For One More Day by Mitch Albom is a strange, sentimental little book. It is about an ex-baseball player called Chick Benetto. His life has unravelled and he turns to drink and tries to kill himself. He tries to drive off the motorway and whilst he is lying there dying his mind turns back to his mother and all the things he did and didn't do for her.

I found this book strangely comforting, and it reflected the complexity of relationships and intimacy that we share with other people. I know that when I think about my grandma I wish I had just one more hour with her. This book is exactly that, one more day. The chance to ask all the things you never got the chance to ask. The time to spend with people you love.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Apr
24
2008
8

Musings

Next week I am heading off to the European Conference for LGBT Christians. I am really looking forward to it as it will give me the opportunity to spend a weekend with some people I don't' see very often, and as it is just down the road from my house I thought it was a great opportunity. There are a whole load of different people speaking and performing The Very Reverend Jeffrey John, Richard Howitt (MEP), Revd Prof June Boyce-Tillman (who I am sure I must know as she was at King Alfred's College when I was a student) and of course the very fabulous Peterson Toscano will be touting for business.

The blurb on the flier says ”As Christians we are invited to live life to the full, but the struggle to find our welcome place in society and the church can leave us running on empty, feeling drained. In this conference we will consider the resources available to us as LGBT Christians to help us take better care of yourselves, as we learn to love ourselves better, we will be able to love God and out neighbour.”

It seems to me that regardless of sexual orientation, gender, race, class, ethnicity or disability many people struggle to find a place in society, and the church can be an even more difficult place to find somewhere to fit in. I often wonder if that is why as a straight, single woman I feel more at home surrounded by LGBT people. Whatever people think of the queer community the one thing is does have is a sense of identity (or identities if you wish). The queer community is (generally) a welcoming place, regardless of how you identify your gender and sexuality. Being single in church can be as isolating as anything else, and yet somehow the ability to grasp this concept eludes so many people who slot into the ‘smug married' category. I can't wait to get to this conference. Hopefully it will be a safe space and I am really looking forward to spending time with people. I need to feel connected.

So this afternoon, once I have been to a funeral I am going to go and get my eyebrows threaded. Next week I will have my hair cut. For some reason being surrounded by gay men increases my need to look and feel fabulous! I love Gok Wan to pieces, but in so many ways I have my own versions of this fabulous man. I am a very lucky girl.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Apr
23
2008
2

Quilting games

I have spent the last few days laying out my enormous patchwork quilt and tacking the various layers together. It takes absolutely forever and is not helped my my feline friend getting in the way. She seems to think that it is all a game and she like chasing the needle and the thread. So, not only do have various scratches where I have managed to stick pins in me, I also have scratches on my hands where she mistook my finger for a toy.

Anyway, the tacking is done, I now need to get on with the bias binding and the spot quilting.

In the meantime, here is Delilah resting on her work.

DSCN4262

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Apr
23
2008
0

RC Part 27 – Playing Away by Adele Parks

Playing Away by Adele Parks isn’t a very good book in my humble opinion. It is about Connie, who is (allegedly) happily married to Luke. The main problem is that she can’t keep her knickers on and embarks on a torrid affair with guy called John and as expected it all comes crashing down. I have to admit to feeling quite irritated when I read this book because I just felt the storyline was weak and the main characters got right on my nerves. Back to the charity shop it goes!!!

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |
Apr
22
2008
0

I am..

… sitting at work looking out of the window at the lovely weather.

Wishing I was elsewhere.

Again.

Written by Anna Williams in: Uncategorized |

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